You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I didn't shave. On purpose
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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