He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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