this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
