At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
