if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
