woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
