super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
