I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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