there's paper in my vomit.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
