what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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