i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
