I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
