sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
