would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
