One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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