you win again, gameday.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
