I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
