Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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