I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
