Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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