Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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