I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
