dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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