You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
