i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
