Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
