I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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