You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Let's get the cat blown out
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
