I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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