I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
