i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
