And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
