i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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