His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
