Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
