Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
