goodnight i made you a song goodbye
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
