Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
