Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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