so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
