Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
