I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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