The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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