based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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