I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
