I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
