: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Jerry, you need to find god
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
