This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
