Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
