we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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