So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
