WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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