you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
